A Lonely September
by TsukinoYue
Summary: Sasuke is a (MTF) trans prostitute, working on a cold day before Christmas when he meets Naruto, who he thinks is just another client. 'Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did. And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did. And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.' Yaoi. Trans!Sasuke. Prostitution.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a gift-fic for my lovely friend Manu. Words can't bring you down, so keep it up and be strong, girl. I love you and I'll always be by your side.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. © Masashi Kishimoto. Song by Plain White Ts – A lonely September.**

 **Warning: yaoi, prostitution, trans!Sasuke, implied drugs, alcohol.**

 **A lonely September**

 **Sasuke's point of view**

 _ **December 23**_ _ **rd**_

It's a cold night with heavy snow, few people passes by on their cars, honking at me as I balance myself over the seven-inches heels of my over-knee leather boots. The skirt I wear barely covers any skin and my coat is too thin to actually warm me up.

Anyone will do as long as they give me 30 minutes under a shelter or enough money I can grab a taxi to my shitty room. Like every day, I wonder if I'll die because of the cold, or a drunkard, maybe those addicted kids will kill me; I might die from a disease, or a client.

My body is still sore from the long day, walking in heels, taking cocks deep in my throat until I can't breathe and into my asshole until it bleeds. My wrists are bruised and my finger is broken, yet here I am, looking for another one to fuck me, pay me 50 bucks in cash for an hour of enduring the sick perversions of miserable people.

I stop close to the park, light a cigarette – the last I have – and breathe in the warm smoke of some cheap brand. The traffic lights go red stopping three or four cars, and I wait, smoking, until the windows rolls down and I walk there.

I step onto the butt cigarette and lean into the car; I smile as I brush my long dark hair to the side. It's a young couple – a girl with pink hair and a blond guy – good-looking enough to give me the money I need. They ask for my price and tell me to hop in the car, saying they want me for the whole night.

They talk tenderly to one another, bickering and laughing like two teenagers. They aren't the clients I'm used to have, too sweet and calm, psychopathic. It makes me wary for the unlikeliness of the action, and all my nerves are telling me to run off and hide, still, if I stay I know I'll die in the snow, so what's the difference?

We go to a normal hotel, not the putrid type one usually goes to in order to hide a corpse. The girl books us a room while the guy stays by my side, waiting his girlfriend and trying to have a conversation with me. He smiles at me, not the disgusting, perverted grin I usually receive, but a sincere smile I don't know how to reply. So I lean into his shoulder, whisper how I'm eager for the night in a voice I can't recognize in my own ears.

"You haven't told me your name, yet." He says, brushing a lock of my hair behind my ear and I say nothing, wondering what he wants with my name. "Eh, I haven't told mine so I guess it's unfair." He laughs on his own, scratching the back of his neck, "I'm Naruto, and the girl is Sakura."

I force a smile back at him, purr my name into his ear to please him. "Sasuke." It sounds weird on my tongue, my own name. I could tell him anything, had so many names, so many characters, I don't remember who Sasuke is.

Naruto smiles back, his hand softly pushing me off his body, which I take as a sign he's one those men who likes it rough and detached, no flirting, just raw sex. However, he opens his mouth again, "Shall we?" and offers his hand to me as his girlfriend meets us halfway to the elevator.

"It's so cold tonight. Thank goodness they had a room." The girl, Sakura, says as she hugs herself, green eyes sparkling under the dim light of the hotel's lobby.

Naruto brings his girlfriend close to him, embracing her from behind, wrapping his arms over her belly. "So let me warm you, Sakura." He presses a kiss on her shoulder in a lovely way that evokes distant memories from another life I think I had.

She looks at me and smiles. "You must be cold, too. Don't worry, we're almost there." The door opens and we walk in the silent corridor, and I feel my heart pounding like every time. I never know if I'll survive another night, another round, and I have no choice but follow these strangers into an enclosure space, giving up on what's left in this world for me. I don't own anything, not even my body, abused and played, mishandled and dirtied.

The room is large for me – a single bed on one corner and a double on the middle, a TV in front of it and a mini-bar above. I take off my coat, revealing more skin than tissue, "What should I do?" I ask huskily, eyeing the couple with pretend interest.

They exchange glances, "You haven't told him yet, have you?" the girl asks her boyfriend, sighing when he tells her no and shrugs. She looks at me, "We don't want you to do anything."

I nod at her and sit on the small couch, "Then I'll stay here and just watch." I tell her flirtatious, believing them to be those voyeur couples who can't fuck unless someone is watching. "Should I touch myself?" I smirk as the words leave my lips, my hands sensuously sliding down to my skirt.

"You don't have to." The guy tells me. "I, well, erm, come here. I bet you want a shower."

"Okay." And so I follow him into the bathroom. I stare at his blue eyes, and lick my lower lip as I take off my top, exposing my breasts.

I see curiosity in his eyes and I wonder if he and the girl have actually had sex before and maybe they need some kind of help. My hands gently gets his and encourage him to feel my skin, a fake soft moan leaves my mouth when his cold fingers trace my left breast, but I can't see a trace of lust in his whole body.

"How did you get these?" he asks me softly, touching the skin around as if he's examining me.

"You don't like it?"

"It's just that these prosthesis look very good for..." He stops mid-sentence but he said enough for me to know what he means.

"…for a cheap whore like me. That's what you want to call me?" I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my bare chest to his covered torso, "A whore?" I whisper in his ear, "Slut? A bitch? Faggot? Cum dump?"

"No, I… I didn't mean to…"

"Shh," I press a finger to his mouth, "It's okay. I don't mind it, if it turns you on."

"No, that's not it. Listen to me!" he grabs both of my hands and push me away from him.

I hiss at the pain on my finger. "Fuck!" it's black and swollen and the pain is so bad it brings tears to my eyes.

"Shit, I'm sorry." Naruto says too quickly. "Fuck, let me take a look." He gently touches my hand, "It wasn't me, was it?"

"No." I tell him simply, now I'm truly confused and scared of the situation.

"Fine, don't move. I'll be back soon." He vanishes back to the room, leaving me to my thoughts, trembling in the cold bathroom. I take off my boots and socks, splash water on my face and attempt to remove all the heavy make-up I wear. My face is blurred in red, black and blue as well as the white towel I used to wipe my eyes and my lips.

The door opens again and I stand just in a small skirt in front of the weird blond guy who picked me up. He blinks at me a few times, his mouth opened in a stupid feature and then he clears his throat and places the bag on his hand on the sink.

"I'm a doctor, and Sakura is a doctor too and she's a really good one, and, well, we met in college. She helped me when I was really lost on campus and I have no idea why I'm blabbering all this to you. Sorry." He smiles sheepishly at me and brings his hand to the back of his neck.

"You don't have to do it; it's not your fault. You and your girlfriend bought me for the night, so do whatever you please; I'm used to it." Because it's less scary to be mistreated than kind gestures like this.

"That's why I'm telling you to _listen_ to me, idiot. We didn't buy you for the sex, we want you to rest, okay?" I blink at the insanity of his words. "We'll pay, so don't worry but we only want you to rest a bit."

"Why?" I cross my arms over my naked chest, shivering in the cold.

Naruto talks painfully and softly, "I was adopted by a prostitute when I was a kid. She was kind and mistreated, and she loved me as much as she loved booze, which was quite a lot, honestly. I know how hard your life is, and I know no one willingly chooses a life like this, so once in a while Sakura and I pick one of you from the streets and let you have a night of rest with no worries."

This is absurd and I want to run, but now I'm not wearing heels I see he's taller than me, stronger as well and he's blocking the way out.

"Calm down, please. I swear I don't have any other motives." The blond guy walks to the bathtub and turns the water on. "Come here, just take a bath and relax. What's the worst that can happen to you now?"

He does have a point, so again I give in to him, permitting myself to drop my skirt and slide inside the tube and feel my body floating with pain. The warm water burns my skin, all parts of my body hurts and I can only feel bliss.

"Would you let me wash your hair?" Naruto asks hesitantly.

I smirk and I can't help but tease him, "Hair fetish eh? Won't your girlfriend be mad?" he blushes a little, but I still comply with his wish, drowning in the dirtied water to wet my hair, handing him the small container of shampoo. "Her eyes are pretty."

"I know." He tells me like it was so obvious. "She's a wonderful girl." I can hear the undertone of a passionate fool, and the thought of how the girl must be lucky can't leave my mind.

The feel of his hands on my hair makes my chest tighten in agony. Kindness is cruel and I want to drown in this tube, having this stranger treating me like a human being. I want my existence to cease in this moment, and pretend the last 10 years didn't happen.

"Would you tell me your story?" Naruto asks me softly, scratching the dirty oil off my hair.

I sigh as my body floats, "Just your typical gay kid with homophobic parents." I tell him. "No family, no friends, enough money to buy drugs and you end up in a life like this." I close my eyes as he hums.

"And then you found out you're trans."

I rinse the soap on my hair, wash my body carefully before I answer his curiosity. "I don't know what I am or who I am. I know having a dick and wearing a skirt brings in more money."

"Doesn't it bring in more danger?"

"Only the danger of being a woman. I feel the same as your girlfriend does when she wears a skirt, it's not that different." We see rich girls being raped on the streets when they're going home, women paralyzed in fear under a male's gaze.

"Why prostitution?" He asks me suddenly, "I mean, the way you speak, the way you walk, even the way you look, I can tell you could be whatever you want to." His blue eyes sparkle as he speaks of my future and I can't help but laugh at his naïve optimism. "What? It's true! And you're beautiful as well, I'm sure there was a client who wanted to make you exclusive at least."

I feel the bitter traces of my laughter on a faint smile. "There was." I admit, "An older man. 'bought me the world, promised me even more, told me he would elope with me, marry me in a legalized country, love me forever." I laugh more, "Now that I think about it, it was ridiculous and I fell like an idiot. Until the day I saw him on the mall, with his family." I wish I could cry for my small tragedy, but I can only laugh at my imbecile past self, "I cut ties with him, then denied any other men or women who tried to monopolize me."

"Was it him who paid for your surgery?" he picks a new towel and hands me.

"Breast surgery, hormones, the pills, fancy clothes, make-up, everything so I could be his woman." I naively followed him and bitterly fell into a no-coming back way. "I met a tranny pimp after that, so I could continue with the hormones. Now I'm here."

I stand up, wrap the towel around my body with as much dignity as I have left in these bones, not much. I leave the tube and sit on the toilet, the bathroom is warm with steam and the blond man has no more questions.

He opens the bag and quietly starts treating my wounds, my bruises, and for last my broken finger. I muffle a yell of pain when he places it back only to wrap it with a splint. "You'll have to go to the hospital next week to see if it's healing correctly."

"You know I won't go, moron." He makes me stop lying, a part of my old self I had forgotten.

Naruto grins, his face close enough I can see all his small imperfections, "Then I'll have to drag you by force, asshole." It's almost flirtatious and he doesn't even realize, this idiot.

"I'd like to see you try, stupid." This is a new kind of flirting for me, almost appreciated. We just stare at each other, no less and no more than it.

He laughs when my stomach growls, "I'll get us some dinner. Here, you can sleep in these if you

don't mind." Naruto hands me a pair of white sweatpants and a grey t-shirt and I can't tell how long it has been since the last piece of cloth I wore which wasn't reveling or tight. The cotton feels amazing on my skin.

We find the girl sleeping on the bed soundlessly, now I can see dark circles under her closed eyes. I see Naruto leaning towards her, kissing her forehead, covering her body and whispering into her ear. It feels I shouldn't be here, watching them, they don't belong in the world I live and I'm only invading theirs.

"Hey, do you mind if I get us ramen?"

"If I have a choice, yes. I hate it." His shocked face amuses me causing my lips to curl into a sincere smirk.

"Your taste in food is very questionable." He grins, brushes another lock of my hair behind my ear. This guy is an idiot, he flirts with me in front of his girlfriend and he can't even realize what he's doing and he's so gullible in his actions it actually pisses me off. "Well, what do you want to eat?"

"A hamburger, with extra bacon and cheese." I can almost taste it, and I can hear a long lost voice inside my head telling me it's not the weekend to eat junky food.

A rich laughter fills the air, "Maybe your taste in food is not that questionable."

"You still haven't heard my taste in men." I blurt out huskily, before I can think, out of habit. It ruins the mood, naturally, making him clear his throat and take a step back from me. "Sorry." I feel the need to say.

"It's okay." He looks at his girlfriend on the bed, "I'll wake her up so we can eat together."

In the end we eat hamburgers together. We laugh and it's like I'm human again with friends, having fun and enjoying silly things. Sakura is caring and protective, but annoying as well, especially when she treats Naruto as if she were his mother, telling him what and how to do this and that.

"Sasuke, you should come to our Christmas party!" Sakura says as she holds onto my hand. "It's gonna be fun, with good food. I'll give you the address."

"You don't have to invite me." I tell her a bit annoyed. I don't need anyone's pity.

"What? But it's Christmas, so if you don't have anything planned, I'd love you to come to our party." She insists, her green eyes shining.

I look at her boyfriend, and Naruto nods in encouragement, "I promise it's gonna be fun."

"I'll think about it." I have no intention on going, no matter how much I'll hate to spend it with some lone psycho or some insecure middle aged woman.

"It's just a night, Sasuke. We will keep you company the whole time, promise." His grin is blinding and infuriating, another reminder of why I can't find myself in the middle of these people too often.

I simply nod and the conversation becomes lighter, small talk about this and that. They look surprised I can keep up with their degrees and it always makes me feel superior to show how much I know about anything. I learned more than any school curriculum could provide in spite of the price.

Sakura bid me goodbye with a kiss on the top of my head and I try my hardest not to retaliate. After all, these people gave me more than I'm used to have, so I can show my appreciation.

Naruto brushes my hair behind my ear again and I believe it to be just a habit of his. The lack of lust in his eyes is something I appreciate considering my line of work.

I lay on the comfortable mattress with heavy blankets and it's so good I can't sleep. I cover my head when I hear the blankets of the bed next mine shuffling. A light shake on my shoulder makes me sit up on the bed, looking at blue eyes. My first thought is he wants sex, it makes sense and it wouldn't be first time I sleep with someone while their lover is sound asleep by their side.

"Can't sleep?"

"Not tired." I lie; a malicious idea crossing my mind. "The truth is..." My hands snakes around his neck, a breath of my voice on his ear. "I can't sleep if I don't fuck anyone." A moan in the end, making him shiver.

I want him to reject me and choose the girl. I want him to prove me he's not that kind of man.

He does stop me, softly, too softly. So I try harder, touching his trousers, licking his neck, feeling him soft in my hands. I almost laugh when he pulls me off, hisses at me to stop.

"Really? I thought you were different." Frustration tints his voice.

"I'm just a prostitute."

He looks at me sadly. "I was going to tell you my story." For some reason, I know I lost something special. "And then I would make us some tea."

I sigh, covering my face behind my hands. "I'll make us some tea." I whisper as I stand up and walk to the mini bar, preparing the chamomile leaves on the coffee machine. It tastes nothing like it should but Naruto accepts it.

We talk.

We fall asleep.

We wake up to Sakura softly shaking us and a smile.

I leave.

 **AN: I'll update every two or three days.**

 **Review please.**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is a gift-fic for my lovely friend Manu. Words can't bring you down, so keep it up and be strong, girl. I love you and I'll always be by your side.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. © Masashi Kishimoto. Song by Plain White Ts – A lonely September.**

 **Warning: yaoi, prostitution, trans!Sasuke, implied drugs, alcohol.**

 **A lonely September**

 **Sasuke's point of view**

 _ **April 10**_ _ **th**_ __

The morning is warm with a cool breeze as I hop into a stranger's car. A man in his forties, well built and wealthy judging by his car and suit; married.

He doesn't talk much as he drives me far from the city to a small hotel no one should know him. There he takes off his watch and his wallet, pulls me to him to touch my body.

He touches me every where and in turn I moan my false pleasure. The man kisses me, pitifully breathing out lust and denied pleasure. Pressing me against the wall, he delves into my mouth like a lover, frustration spilling from his throat in grunts and groans as he humps me.

He's desperate and fast, dropping to his knees as he undresses me of the few clothes I wear. The man pleasures himself as he sucks me, moaning around my member like a starving man.

It's not I'm not used to receive pleasure, but it's just this: pitiful man seeking the comfort of men they couldn't have, disguised in women they hate, giving the pleasure they crave for.

This man is no different, so it's not a surprise when he starts crying as soon as he lies above me on bed. He cries and spills his life for me, frustrated with his wife, guilty for his children, coward for himself. I comfort him the only way I know, wrapping my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist, loud moans and sweat bodies.

I see him staring at his ring, becoming more and more aggressive, thrusting into me yet begging to be fucked. The man resists at first when I try to turn him over, but soon he gives in, losing himself in the feeling of my dick buried inside of him.

He pays me and goes back to his miserable life, to his wife and his children, to his job and his friends, pretending. As for me, I go back to the street, looking for another client so I can continue existing.

Walking on the sidewalk, listening to honks and offenses, a sound enters my ear louder than the others. "Sasuke!"

I uselessly ignore the noise and the steps after my hushed ones. Insistent and annoying, a hand grips my arm, an always warm smile mocks me.

"What?!" I yell. The smile falters, blue eyes water; his breath smells like alcohol, making me frown. "What are you doing here?"

"She's gone." He tells me, hugging me tight against his chest, ridiculous. "What am I gonna do?" Tearful voice, strong and emotional, echoing through me, his stupidly beautiful features distorted in a sad grimace.

My hand pulls his and I drag him inside a bus, silently going back to the small room close to nowhere I leave my few belongings. It takes almost an hour and he hasn't spoken anymore, but his hands are trembling and I can hear him sniffling eventually.

We lay on the old and thin mattress I have on the floor, my fingers running through blond hair as Naruto cries on my chest. It reminds me of Christmas, so bittersweet.

"I'm so glad and thankful you showed up on Christmas", he confesses to me. "Now you're my friend, Sasuke."

I snort at him "You are a drunk idiot, you know that?"

He laughs and nods, "I didn't want to see anyone today. I came to this part of the city in hopes to drink myself asleep and I don't know why I followed you and now we're here." He feels the need to explain, slurred and confusing.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I hope I'm wrong but there are only a few conclusions you can take when someone is gone.

"I knew it wo-uld happen. We ta-talked and planned and I pre-pared myself to be o-kay when it came to it, but I c-can't." He cries and mumbles to himself. "I'm scum, Sasuke. I'm selfish and stupid and, and I lo-love her. Why did I l-let her go?!" Naruto yells angry. "WHY?!"

"You're not making any sense to me, moron." I tell him softly, wiping the tears on his cheeks with my fingers.

The blond takes a deep breath to calm down, swallowing more tears he refuses to shed. "Sakura moved abroad for her research and we broke up."

So it's this. "I see."

"I'm sorry. This is such a ridiculous thing especially for you. Fuck, I'm an asshole." He tries to laugh it off but it's painful to watch.

"This is not ridiculous." I lie through my teeth, wishing I could trade this little heartbreak with all the pain I went through. "You're hurt now so it's fine."

He cries his eyes out until there are no more tears.

…

"Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"Can I tell you my story?" He asks me hesitant, blue eyes shining and red.

"I'd like that."

He tells me a story about an orphan boy adopted by a nice couple, who sexually abused the four-year-old child. They were caught and the boy went back to the orphanage and again was he adopted, by a lonely whore this time.

She was kind to the seven-year-old kid, but then she left him behind, drinking herself to death in a harsh winter day. Rebellious and mischievous, the child had many different homes. He lost his hope and dreams, believing there was no love for him.

"Then I met my dad, not my biological father, but the person who became my dad." He says with a longing sigh. "I was 12, just a brat with an attitude, but I thought I knew about everything. Back then I decided I'd live on my own, that I was going to be the best drug dealer in town." He snorts at that, shaking his head at his naïveté. "And the scariest thing for me back then was the promise of a bright future, because, you see, Kakashi was a psychiatrist and I was nothing. I thought of running away and going to the streets so many times..." Naruto laughs. "Staying was the scariest and hardest thing I have ever done."

The beautiful and exhausted face of this man falls, tears running down his cheeks as he sobs on my lap, choking on his sadness.

"I was the second child of a wealthy family." I say just above a whisper, dropping my head to the wall behind me. "Mother was a lawyer, father had some big business, and my brother was... I... Itachi was my biggest hero."

"You don't have to tell me."

"Just listen, moron." My bitterness becomes almost affectionate with him. "I wanted to be an artist or a photographer when I was small, and they supported me with expensive canvas and cameras, all the colors one could have." I feel my eyes watering but my lips still move. "They tried their best to be present in my life, but they were so busy sometimes… except for Itachi. My brother always had time for me."

So many memories I didn't permit myself to remember and now they resurface, squeezing my throat, tightening my chest.

"I was 16 when they died in a car accident. There was nothing left." My brother's body was never found, only fragments. "They were so great to me. They accepted I was gay, they accepted I was different from my brother even if it took time, they did accept me." The ceiling of the room becomes blurred. "When I told my mom maybe I wanted to be a g-girl, she told me she had always wanted a daughter."

I cry.

Strong arms evolves me into a comforting hug, pressing my head to his chest. I feel his warmth, his heart beating, his scent is calming, making me cry my eyes out.

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke."

"They must be so ashamed of me now. I don't deserve to be their son. I don't deserve to be alive. I should be the one dead." It pains me like it pained me that day, so deeply I can't breathe.

"Don't say it. You deserve to be happy and to live, Sasuke." His voice cracks with emotion. "I'll make you happy, I'll do anything to make you happy, Sasuke." He promises with sweet lies, pressing a kiss on my forehead.

I see now this is going too far, it became too personal, too intimate. I need to get away from him for his own sake and for the sake of my sanity.

As we cry together, relying on each other for comfort, I know I can't. I can't leave him behind, as much as he threatens my whole being in a mental and emotional way, he's also my anchor to this world and if he's gone, I'll lose myself and drown.


	3. Chapter 3

**This is a gift-fic for my lovely friend Manu. Words can't bring you down, so keep it up and be strong, girl. I love you and I'll always be by your side.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. © Masashi Kishimoto. Song by Plain White Ts – A lonely September.**

 **Warning: yaoi, prostitution, trans!Sasuke, implied drugs, alcohol.**

 **A lonely September**

 _ **July 23**_ _ **rd**_

"Sasuke, when is your birthday?"

"I don't remember."

"Don't lie to me! You can't forget it. And you look at your left when you lie." Annoying and insistent, he pisses me off.

I sigh. "It's today." No point in delaying my small torment.

"Ah, I knew it! Happy birthday!" Naruto jumps on me, hugging me tightly, making me too conscious of his body heat, his scent, his skin, his annoyingly loud voice.

I press my hands on his chest to pull him from me. "Don't do it, idiot." The lingering feeling of his hands touching my body causes small shivers on the back of my neck.

Get your shit together, Sasuke. Naruto is a friend, a life saver, a ridiculously kind person who will get himself killed for his selflessness. He is... Fuck, he can't look me that way. It's not fair, I'm just a prostitute. How can I have these feelings? How does he expect me to answer his? It's painful when he looks at me with such warmth.

I avoid his blue eyes, "I have to go. I'll come back at night." I see nothing but the door.

A hand grips my forearm. "Sasuke, why can't you listen to me? I beg you to stop selling yourself, please trust me I'll take care of you." I feel him clenching his other hand into a fist. "I hate seeing you go and never knowing you'll come back in the end of the night. You know how important you are to me."

I gently place my hands on both sides of his face, watching the worried frown become curious. My lips presses on his forehead as a breath of 'thank you' leaves my mouth.

...

A nauseous feeling consumes me when I'm walking on the street; the far cry of sirens tightens my chest, squeezing my throat and my heart.

I try not to think about it but scenes of blood and gore invades my mind with Naruto as the victim. I see his unconscious form in front of me, blood and tears.

The feeling urges me to run back to the apartment he lets me live with him. He's not even there so without a second thought I hop inside a bus to the hospital.

I worry not about the frowning glances I receive, too anguished by this feeling that grows with the time I spend on traffic. I remember this feeling too well, the same I had when my family died, it can't happen again, for sake of the world, Naruto can't die and leave me alive. He's too kind to die.

...

I'm breathless from running all the way to the hospital from the closest bus stop. The people waiting in line or in chairs all look at me and then avoid their gazes, pretending not to be curious about me, or disgusted. A few of them stare intensely at my appearance, frowning their foreheads in disapproval of my presence in that place.

This is not a moment to be hurt, they are strangers, who I might have slept with, but who cares?

"I need to talk to doctor Uzumaki." I growl at the poor girl on the reception, though she looks unfazed, quickly typing on her computer.

"Doctor Uzumaki is on surgery, sir-ma'am." I nod slightly in shock.

Is it too late? I was right? Why?

I sit close to the corner, hugging myself as my body simply crumbles. Ridiculous memories of the blonde idiot blurs my vision. Why did he have to be so fucking persistent about me? Why couldn't he just fuck me and go away from my life?

Why did I fucking _fall_ for him?

"Doctor Uzumaki, you can't... Wait the sound is on. Doctor Uzumaki!-"

"Eh, hey everyone this is Doctor Uzumaki and we're in the middle of a surgery and, doesn't matter, but I'm talking now because I need whoever you are, if you're blood B- or O-, please donate your blood right now. The patient, Itachi Uchiha, really needs your help."

"Are you out of your mind, you can't do it! This is a hospital-"

I see myself walking to the reception, demanding the girl to tell me where should I go to donate. Obviously, she hesitates on providing me the information, but she knows they won't let me do it.

I know they won't let me do it, yet I run through the corridors to find the right place. It is stupid to try, irresponsible even, but my mind fills with voices of doctors telling they couldn't find a donator, desperation and frustration as my younger self couldn't save my mother.

A doctor grips my arm, stopping me suddenly. Glaring at him, I pull my arm out of his reach, daring him to tell to leave.

The man takes off his mask, a shocked and familiar face staring at me. "What are you doing here? Who the hell told you?"

I hug him without a second thought, probably infecting his baby blue clothes. "I thought it was _you_. I thought you had left me and I had to come here to be sure and they told me you were in surgery so I thought..."

"Sasuke, I want you to go home. You shouldn't be here, go home, please. I promise you I'll do everything I can, so..."

"But you were the one asking for a donator. I'm B-, a rare type of B, so if it's really... I need to do it."

"You know I can't take your blood." A troubled look crosses his features.

"You know I'm clean now! You ran the tests yourself! I took all the medicines and I'm clean now."

"I know but I'm also a doctor and I can't be irresponsible. The risk is too high! You know you can get it any day, any time! I can't, not you, please, go home."

"He is my brother!" I yell at him, angry and tired, desperate to save the one person I thought to be dead for the past seven years.

I hoped and prayed for this day to come as when I found out Itachi hadn't died, and when it comes, I'll see him dying before my eyes because I gave up hope and became like _this_. If I wasn't so prideful to let myself be sold exclusive, then maybe I could save him, but now I can't. My brother will die and it's all my fault.

"I'll do everything I can, Sasuke, I promise you." He touches my right shoulder in comfort, brushes my hairs behind my ear out of habit.

Another presence makes itself known by softly humming "Eh…" a woman with black hair and light eyes timidly touches Naruto to get his attention. "I'm so-sorry, are you Doctor Uzumaki?" she whispers almost in fear, avoiding her eyes as much as possible.

Naruto stares at her expectantly, waiting for her to speak her mind.

"I…I'm B-, so I…" my eyes widen and before the girl can finish the sentence, Naruto is already dragging her down the corridor, exclaiming how happy he is she is there.

I'm left with my thoughts and fears, my doubts and my hopes.

…

About half an hour later, I see the same woman close to the cafeteria, so I walk to her and offer to pay for her food. She blushes deeply, apologizes for the inconvenience but eventually accepts it.

"Thank you." I whisper to her, hoping she can feel my immense gratitude.

The woman simply nods and sits with me in the small table, nibbling on her sandwich.

"Do-Don't worry…" she speaks without making eye contact, "I'm su-sure your bro-brother will be fine." I assume she overheard me yelling, I still appreciate her words.

"May I ask what you are doing here?" I ask, forcing myself to speak so I don't think about my brother.

"My little sister…" she says, almost guilty, but then she looks at me for the first time; it's when I notice this girl is actually blind. "She's recovering from an eye surgery." She doesn't elaborate further so I take it to be quiet and feel my heart beating erratically.

She fidgets with her hands, biting her lower lip as she's trying to create courage to actually speak. I almost yell at her, urging her to open her mouth and just _talk._

"Y-you feel weird from everyone else." The girl gasps at her words, quickly stuttering an apology. "It's ju-just you… Y-you feel like you're male, but fe-female at the same time, I never met anyone li-like you."

"I assume you don't go out very much." I tell her, distracting myself from thinking, "I'm transgender." Comes my only explanation.

"I s-see." I automatically arch an eyebrow at her choice of word, her lips pulling into a small smile as if she had seen it.

Unable to contain my curiosity, I ask "How do you do it?" she knows what I mean, so I don't bother explaining.

"I si-simply do, I listen and feel others and that's how I 'see'" she sighs. "Pe-people are usually a-afraid of me."

"They are scared you can see right through them." Comes my lame reply.

Her blank opaque eyes stare at me, causing my heart to stop as I feel like she's looking at my soul, at everything I was and everything I am. "And you? Aren't you scared?" it's the first sentence she says without a stutter, bringing goosebumps on my neck and arms. Sensing my discomfort and my silence, she avoids her eyes, "I'm so-sorry."

"That was weird." Comes as a breath, "Did you see something? Because I felt like you were looking at my past."

"I'm sorry for it. I wasn't ex-expecting that." She looks condescend at me, a small sad smile adorning her lips. "You went through _so_ much."

I swallow dryly, not sure how to answer to that. It's true, I believe, but I don't know what she saw, so I can't exactly talk about it. "It's fine."

We sit in an anxious silence, waiting to hear from our relatives. It's painful to see the tick of the clock, the time slowly passing by. Eventually the night falls on us, chilly and lonely. The girl, still sitting next to me, every now and then, stares at my direction, opens her mouths and gives up.

"Is it just you and your sister?" I ask out of nowhere, having enough of the silence.

She shakes her head "My fa-father doesn't ta-talk to me."

"Hn."

She looks up, slowly smiling "You don't ha-have to worry. Dr. Uzumaki is co-coming and Itachi is fi-fine."

I blink at her, looking around, but I can't see Naruto anywhere near. Still, I believe her, despite the ridiculous idea, my desperation makes me cling on the words of one crazy woman, who claims to see my past. I believe her.

…

"Are you ready for it, Sasuke?" Naruto asks me in front of the door.

"No." The white door mocks me and scares me, "But I need to."

Naruto nods his head, his hand on the pocket of his white coat, "He's still under the effects of the anesthesia, so he might be dizzy and delirious."

I nod, my hand touching the doorknob, pulling it open. The image I had of my brother is instantly replaced by an older version, his hair cut short, bangs under his eyes, a small smile on his thin lips.

Itachi looks old, too old for his age. He stares at me silently, probably because he doesn't know who I am. Should I tell him? It's been seven years already, maybe he hates me, maybe that's why I never heard of him being alive. Itachi didn't want to meet me.

"Hi?" his voice is raspy but he motions for me to come closer to the bed.

"Hi Itachi." Should I just tell him I'm his brother? "How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy and a little light in the head." He answers slowly, "Come here."

I do as he asks me, waiting for him to ask who I am and what I'm doing there.

"You probably won't remember me, but…"

"Shh," he shakes his head, his hands touches my hair, brushing it behind my ear and my body stays immobilized. I can only stare as he brings two fingers to my forehead. "I finally found you, Sasuke."

 **AN: Review please! Criticism is always welcome and we can share our different views anytime :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**This is a gift-fic for my lovely friend Manu. Words can't bring you down, so keep it up and be strong, girl. I love you and I'll always be by your side.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. © Masashi Kishimoto. Song by Plain White Ts – A lonely September.**

 **Warning: yaoi, prostitution, trans!Sasuke, implied drugs, alcohol.**

 **A lonely September**

 **Sasuke's point of view**

 _ **September 21**_ _ **st**_

"So, how are things going with your brother?" Naruto asks through the phone.

I'm on my new bedroom, in a ridiculously big apartment I'm sharing with Itachi in another state. "Fine, I guess. He feels guilty about what happened to me, even though I told him it's not his fault, he insists on begging forgiveness."

"I know how he feels, Sasuke." He sighs deeply, "When we were living together, I also felt responsible for you."

"That's like saying I can't make my own decisions, I'm not a child."

I can feel him rolling his eyes. "That's not what I meant. I can respect any decision you take from now on, but _you_ didn't have much of a choice in your life."

I sigh as I lay on my soft, soft bed, "Fine, now it's different. You and Itachi made everything you could to help me. Even now I can't…"

Silence as I stare at the ceiling.

"Even now you can't what? Sasuke? Sasuke? You there?"

"I just can't believe Itachi and I are together again. It feels surreal to have an actual home, going to college, dressing up and… just having my brother is enough."

"Well, a little bit of luxury won't hurt you." He chuckles lightly, making me visualize his grin.

I bite my lower lip, "Hn… I just feel guilty."

"About what?"

I sigh, feeling the cotton sheets "About everything. Itachi gave me everything and I did nothing to get it. It's not mine, Naruto. I don't deserve it."

"That's not true…" I hear him saying softly. "Think about all the awareness you're raising together with your brother's campaign, you're not fighting only for yourself, Sasuke, you're fighting for a great cause and that's noble."

I feel my lips pulling into a smile. "Even so, I feel like I'm taking advantage of my brother's image as a major company owner and that's not fair."

"Oh please, just shut up Sasuke." My mouth clicks shut to the words. "Can you recognize how awesome you are? I mean, did you see your work? Your photos were astounding; they really moved me to tears. Think about all the people you'll help, you're not a campaign, you are an activist, bringing awareness for transphobia and prostitution!"

"I-"

"No, shut up, you won't say any other words except 'I'm sorry Naruto, you're absolutely right'."

I roll my eyes as silence falls on the line as he waits for me to say the words. "I'm sorry Naruto, you're right."

" _Absolutely_ right."

"Whatever, I'm going to turn off now. I have to finish a project."

"Okay, I have to open a patient now, talk to you later."

The line cuts, making me sigh and place the phone on the bed. I look at all the golden and leather bracelet I have adorning my wrists. The past month Itachi made me buy so many things for myself, and I indulged in my selfish needs and vanities, comforting myself with dresses and heels, quality makeup, earrings and hair products.

Walking through the empty apartment is lonely, especially now I have so much. Itachi won't come back home until it's night time and Naruto is working nonstop, miles and miles away. I go to the cozy living room, smiling upon seeing my brother's old guitar, memories of him playing it in front of the fireplace with mother singing and father humming floods my mind with bitterness.

I pick the instrument, feeling the chords with the tip of my fingers.

'I'm sitting here all by myself just trying to think of something to do. Trying to think of something, anything just to keep me from thinking of you. But you know it's not working out 'cause you're all that's on my mind. One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did. And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did. And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me. But the more I think, the less I believe it and the more I want you here with me. You know the holidays are coming up I don't want to spend them alone. Memories of Christmas time with you will just kill me if I'm on my own.

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did. And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did. And you didn't mean to love me back.

I know it's not the smartest thing to do we just can't seem to get it right. But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight.

One more chance tonight.

I'm sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar. But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far. I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you. Oh please, baby won't you take my hand we've got nothing left to prove.

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did. And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did. And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.

And I didn't mean to meet you then we were just kids. And I didn't mean to give you chills the way that I kiss. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did. And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did.

Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did. No, you didn't mean to love me back. But you did.'

With a single small sigh, I place the guitar back on its place and lie on the couch, hiding my face behind my forearm, the same feeling of uselessness and guilty haunting me, immobilizing me completely.

…

Hours later, Itachi comes home to find me in that same position, no strength to do anything, guilty plaguing me. Another lost day I did absolutely nothing, another day I simply enjoyed the hard work of my brother.

"Sasuke? Are you feeling well?" He asks me, touching my forehead lightly.

I look at his face, still bruised and a scarring from the accident, though he's fine. "I'm tired." I respond, not sure why would I be tired if I had spent the day on bed.

My brother frowns at me, "Hey," he speaks softly, brushing the hair behind my ear, "I'm here to talk, whenever you need, little one."

I nod at him, biting my lower lip, words forming in my mouth that I can't let go.

"Whenever you're ready, Sasuke." He says again, leaving me to my thoughts in order to make us dinner. Needless to say, I don't talk to him, or anyone else, the feeling of worthlessness growing inside of me.

 **AN: Three more chapters to go. I know this is short, but it was supposed to be a oneshot, so I'm sorry.**

 **Review with whatever is on your mind**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is a gift-fic for my lovely friend Manu. Words can't bring you down, so keep it up and be strong, girl. I love you and I'll always be by your side.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. © Masashi Kishimoto. Song by Plain White Ts – A lonely September.**

 **Warning: yaoi, prostitution, trans!Sasuke, implied drugs, alcohol.**

 **A lonely September**

 **Sasuke's point of view**

 _ **November 15**_ _ **th**_

"You can open your eyes now, Sasuke." I do as my therapist, Inoichi, instructs me, sitting up on the large coach on his office. The man looks at me expectantly, fingers ready to type what he finds necessary to document of our session. "How do you feel?" he asks me finally.

"A little numb," I shake my head to clear my mind, "but not in a bad way."

"Lighter?" he suggests, with eyes always attentive to my behavior.

I brush a lock of my hair behind my ear, a habit I recently acquired when I'm thinking, "Yes, a little." It's hard to put it on words.

Inoichi smiles at me, apparently content with my answer, "Well, Sasuke, I must say your progress is going very well, though I'm still worried about your reasons."

"What do you mean?"

"When we began our sessions, you made it clear that you were only here because of your brother Itachi, is that correct?" I nod in confirmation, "It's important that you have his support, as your family, but I worry you're coming here only to please your brother, Sasuke."

My silence is answer enough.

My therapist simply stares at me, a pause, "I have a new exercise for you. I want you to think about selfish reasons you're here, like the reasons we previously talked about concerning your gender and how you feel about your body and yourself, and then we can work on it further on our next session, is that clear, Sasuke?"

I look at my hands, "Yes."

…

I have two missed calls on my phone, both from Naruto, and I wonder why he's calling me. We do talk often, but mostly through text or in person when he visits me. Something must have happened for him to call me, and I'm aware I'm already overthinking it with no reason, still…

It takes three calls for him to answer the phone, two annoying voicemail messages and too many beeps for someone medicated with Valium, "Oh hey Sasuke, what's up?"

What does he mean 'What's up?' when he was the one who… argh, "You called me, moron."

He gasps in surprise, "Oh yeah, I forgot," he chuckles surely scratching the back of his head, "Nah, but it was really nothing, just called to know how you were doing. Heard from Itachi you're quite energetic lately." He chuckles again, lighter this time.

I groan in annoyance, wondering why Itachi has to talk about me to Naruto, and energetic? Really? "Since when are you and my brother on such good terms?"

"We can put our differences aside as we might have something in common."

"Like what? Annoy me and make me miserable in every social situation?" I say with a roll of eyes, though a small smile plays on my lips.

"In my defense I say I don't nag at you as much as Itachi," Naruto answers with a hint of a laughter.

"Hn." My eyelids close, a sigh of courage leaves my mouth and I try really hard not to stutter or tremble, "Naruto, I was thinking that maybe do you think we could perhaps meet?" Keep talking like that and you'll go far, Sasuke.

"Eh, sure? You know Sasuke, now I gotta go, some emergency here, but we talk later, I'll call you back." Before I can protest of a possible misunderstanding of my intentions or say _anything_ , he hangs up.

Naruto won't answer again, so I have nothing better to do than to go back home, where Itachi is waiting for me on his own. For someone who's always complaining I spend too much time alone, he sure enjoys solitude.

…

"I'm home." A weird silence greets me, still the lights are on so I can assume Itachi is home but he hadn't listen my arrival. "Itachi?" I say louder, my voice coming a little rough.

My brother emerges from his office, cellphone on his ear and a frown on his features. He waves at me in acknowledge, muttering a hello Sasuke as he pays attention at his conversation. Itachi hums a few times, his eyes clearly disapproving what whoever is on the other side of the line is saying.

"I understand your concern but I decline the offer. Please refrain from meddling with my personal life, no, Sasuke will not want it for me and talking about my parents is unrefined and rude." I see my brother rolling his eyes, "For the last time, no, don't insist. I'm hanging up."

Itachi ends the call and leaves his phone on the table, a thoughtful look on his serious face. "Rough day?" I ask him, reminding him of my presence.

"No, it's just… it's nothing Sasuke." He smiles and presses his fingers on my forehead. "I'll tell you later." He never does, "Tell, little bro-sister, how was the session?"

"Itachi, we already talked about you calling me little brother, I don't mind, actually I prefer. I'm trans yes, I identify as female, yes, but male pronouns aren't an issue for _me_."

"Well, then little _brother_ , how was today?" he asks me, motioning for me to follow him to the kitchen.

"I have a new exercise and… I happened to talk to Naruto." I say as nonchalantly as possible, ignoring my brother's smirk.

"May I ask you about what the two of you have talked?" his false concern is irritating.

I have the upper hand this time. "I talk if you tell me what you were talking about on the phone just now." Whipping my hair behind my shoulder, I arch an eyebrow at him.

His amusement only grows to my annoyance, "Someone is learning, I see." I wait for his answer as he unworriedly checks on his nails, pretending to be thinking about my small proposition, "I believe it's agreeable since we're siblings that I tell you."

"Go ahead."

He clears his throat, "I think it's better we sit down."

"No, stop trying to avoid it, Itachi! How can it be harder than it was for me telling you everything I went through the past years?!" The sudden outbursts haven't stopped yet. However I'm more aware of them, thus I can relatively control it. "Sorry." I whisper.

"You know it's not your fault and you're right. Sasuke, try to understand, for me it's really hard to share any small problem in my life with you. It has always been this way and it worsened after you told me what you went through, because I feel selfish when I complain to you."

"Can we try to not make a big deal out of it?" I try to convey my thoughts through this small sentence. Itachi smiles, a small nod of head and I know he understood.

"You're right." He says softly.

I smirk and tease him, "You still didn't tell me."

Itachi groans barely audibly, "It was my PR manager," he says, "He was trying to convince me to go to a marriage interview, because he thinks it would be good for my image and to increase the number of stakeholders of my company."

It's the first time I ever thought about my brother getting married, it's an insane thought to have, but it's also natural, right? It's not mandatory, but most people end up getting married for whatever reason they have.

"I declined, naturally." Itachi continues, touching my brow to make me realize I was frowning. "I never imagined myself getting married, the thought was simply disturbing to me, it still is. I honestly can't indulge myself in the ritual."

He takes a pause, sitting down on the small round table we have in the kitchen, and I follow him sitting by his side.

"However, Sasuke, I do like the idea of walking you to the altar, when the time comes."

I offer him a relieved smile in appreciation for his words. "It wasn't that hard to tell me, was it?"

He shakes his head "It was not, but there's something else."

"What is it?"

Itachi discreetly bites his lip, "I met someone."

My eyes widen comically, shocked to the point I almost fall from my sit. "What? When? Who?!" Why hadn't he told me before? Does he consider me a bother? Or he didn't think he can trust me with the information? Fuck, I'm overreacting.

"It's someone I met when I was at the hospital, I'm aware you know her."

I frown in thought, trying to remember someone from the hospital, is he talking about the nurse or… epiphany hits me like lightening. "The blind girl?!"

Itachi sighs, confirming my guess, "Her name is Hinata. I hope you understand."

I arch an eyebrow at him. "Honestly, you're worse than Naruto, honestly. I'm _happy_ for you, I'm not so low that I need constant support of both of you and you two exaggerate to the point that until a month ago you hided all the keys of all the doors."

"Don't be unfair, Sasuke, we worry about you. We just want to be there for you."

"I do appreciate it, but please, don't refrain from telling me about you. We're brothers first and before anything else and nothing will change it, Itachi."

Itachi's dark eyes widen in realization, he stands up in silence and hugs me. "Sorry, it's just…"

"I know." I whisper back, hugging him tightly.

For a while, we stand like this, Itachi and me, the only family we have left. It's comforting and sad at the same time, the ghosts of our past, how we never talk about mother and father even when it's clear they are on our minds, we have so much to go through yet.

"Don't think I forgot about Naruto, Sasuke, you still have to tell me." Itachi says with a smile, brushing a lock of my hair behind my ear.

I roll my eyes at him, "I asked him out-"

"That's great, Sasuke, what did he say? I suppose he accepted."

"Eh, yes, kind of, maybe." My brother frowns in doubt, "He didn't let me explain _how_ I'd like us to meet, so I think he misunderstood."

Itachi chuckles at my expenses, making me glare at him, "Sorry, but this is _so_ Naruto, little brother. He's one of the best surgeons on the country but he is so naïve when it comes to people."

I sigh again, "Don't remind me. He's such a moron, that idiot." I smirk at his mention. 'My idiot.'

"You know asking him out wasn't the real challenge. He'll accept, and then you'll have to talk about your relationship."

I hate when Itachi reminds me of this. We'll have to talk about my gender, about our long-distance relationship, about his career, about _my_ career, about us, about me and about him. We'll take a shot and hope for the best.

 **AN: Only two more chapters to go :D**

 **Don't forget to review ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

**This is a gift-fic for my lovely friend Manu. Words can't bring you down, so keep it up and be strong, girl. I love you and I'll always be by your side.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. © Masashi Kishimoto. Song by Plain White Ts – A lonely September.**

 **Warning: yaoi, prostitution, trans!Sasuke, implied drugs, alcohol.**

 **A lonely September**

 **Sasuke's point of view**

 _ **December 25**_ _ **th**_

"You look beautiful tonight, Sasuke."

I don't bother looking as I sip on the glass of grape juice, "I see that going out with my brother is loosening you up."

The girl blushes a deep red, fidgeting with her fingers as she avoids my gaze, "So-sorry."

I roll my eyes at her, "Don't be, it was a compliment."

The girl bites the bottom of her lip in nervousness, "Sa-suke," she stutters, "Ma-may I te-tell you some-something?"

"What?" I can tell it's something serious.

"I'm… scared." She says simply.

I stare at her, I'm looking at the night sky, scared Naruto won't show up, again. "Is it about your family?" The past month I made a point of getting to know the girl who got Itachi interested, so I shallowly know about her struggles with her family.

Hinata shakes her head, "No, well, y-yes."

I look at the time on my phone, listening to how the far-away murmur is getting louder and crowded. It pisses me off. He's not here. He's not coming. It pisses me off. Hinata's mumbling pisses me off. "Say it or just be quiet." I tell her, unleashing on her my negative feelings.

"… I can't tell Itachi I'm pregnant." She says above a whisper, tears almost falling from her eyes.

"Oh shit." She nods, grimacing in sadness, "Oh shit, Hinata. When… When did you find out?" I ask her softly, guilty eating at me.

"A few da-days ago."

"Does anyone else know?" Why does it have to be me?

"My sister. She was the o-one who fo-und out." She answers, breathing deeply to calm herself, "I can't tell Itachi."

"What? Why not? You have to tell him." He's the father, right? They might not be seeing each other for more than a few months, but I know they are going steady.

"I can't. I do-don't even kn-own what I'm go-going to do wi-th it." She looks broken.

I wipe the tears under her eyes, "Whatever you decide to do, I want you to talk to my brother. I know it's selfish of my part, but don't hide it from him."

Hinata is still trying to calm down and contain the tears when Itachi shows up to get us back to his Christmas party, and for the sharp eyes of my brother, there's no denying something is going on.

He stands his hand out at her "Come here." She takes it, wiping her tears. My brother kisses her hand, closing his eyes. It makes her giggle. They left to a private room, intending on having the most difficult conversation of their lives.

…

Dinner is served with the same elegance I remember from my childhood, traditional, but not uptight formal. Our guests are having fun, talking and eating. Itachi and Hinata are polite, wishing the night to be over as much as I do.

Someone toasts to love and family. I can't believe he didn't show up, no explanation, no reply. Will it always be like this? I want to understand his career, his busy and crazy schedule, but he still promised to come.

Distracted with my thoughts, I can't make myself engage in any conversation, politely humming in acknowledge as my eyes steal glances at the door, waiting.

"…the economy is steady, it is not a bad time to start a new business like this. What do you think Sasuke?"

I catch the end of a conversation I'm supposed to be part of. "Hn, if you are to plan ahead, yes, but…" the door opens showing a mob of blond hair. "Excuse me." I stand up from my seat and walk to the front door, where an embarrassing and lost Naruto is looking around.

His eyes widen when he see me, an immediate grin forms on his lips and right after his face falls as he see my discontentment. "Look, Sasuke, I'm so sorry, I… You have all the right in the world to be mad at me…"

I shake my head as I cross my arms over my chest. "I'm not mad, Naruto. I'm disappointed."

He hisses at himself, looking down, hands on his pockets. "I wish you were mad." He says honestly, "I can't stand you being disappointed at me." Those blue eyes look at me almost afraid, apologetic and shining.

I hate how much I allow him to influence me, every action, every step I take, I think about this man. It's exasperating.

A sigh leaves my lips, "Just come in, we're in the middle of dinner."

As I'm about to walk back, a hand softly gets mine, "Wait… I want to give you something." Naruto fishes inside his pockets as he bites his tongue. He smiles as he shows me a necklace with a small tear ruby as pendant, "Merry Christmas."

I breathe out as he kisses my cheek, turn around and hold my hair as he puts the jewel around my neck. "You're such an idiot."

"I know, princess." He teases me with a crooked smile, leaving me no alternative except to glare at him. He laughs it off, offering his hand, again in apology. I take it without a second thought.

I inhale when our lips touch, his hands traveling from my waist to encircle my back. "I missed you." I exhale.

He smiles, our foreheads touching. I see dark circles under his eyes, his hair is disheveled and he lost weight again. "We need to talk, Sasuke."

"I know." I close my eyes, feeling his body, his presence here. "But not now, not… tonight." He nods against my shoulder, breathing in and out on my neck. I smell his scent, "I can't believe you came straight from the hospital."

"Hey, it's a four hours trip by car, I was in a hurry. Can't blame me for smelling like formaldehyde and plastic."

"And sweat." I complete as I wrinkle my nose. "C'mon, moron, let's go to my bedroom. You need a shower."

Naruto grins from ear to ear, "Okay, you're the boss."

…

The noise of the shower stops, a few minutes later the steam lightly enters my bedroom where I lie on my bed on my side. I hear Naruto's steps closer to me, his body leaning on me as I stretch like a cat.

"You're so cold." He tells me, kissing my nape. His touches are inviting, slowly and appreciative, and I respond by letting him continue, sighing in amusement as how he had learnt how to read me. He knows when I want to touch, and he knows when I want to be alone, though in his stubbornness or maybe mine, we do disagree eventually.

We make mistakes and fight, but we are trying.

"My idiot boyfriend left me freezing on Christmas." I tell him with a smirk.

"Then let me warm you up before he shows up." Naruto whispers, nibbling on my neck. I moan as I lean into him, shivering with his mouth on my shoulder. His touch is warm and firm caressing my skin, driving me crazy.

"I thought you'd be hungry." I say as I try to gather my thoughts back.

A hand goes under my shirt, touching my belly, going up. "So hungry," Naruto says huskily, he hums in delight, "Sasuke, you're so beautiful." His hand cups my breast, his mouth covers my neck and back with kisses and nips.

"Ah, Naruto…" We slowly and awkwardly turn to face each other, him on top of me, hands resting by my sides. I touch his face, his childlike smile, taking in his tired features. "Are you sure we…" his mouth descends to mine, impeding me to continue. It's no use, his tongue intertwines with mine, his hands taking my clothes off, his groin rubbing on mine.

He makes himself stop, looking at me, both of us panting, "Are you fine with it?" he asks honestly.

I wrap my hands around his neck, pulling him closer, "Just do it, moron."

He nods on my shoulder, kissing my neck. My hands scratch his back, marking him, pulling his hair, moaning as he humps me slowly, sensuously. Heat grows in my belly, spreading through my whole body.

 _Flashes of my past comes to mind,_

I shake my head and focus on him, just Naruto. The blond idiot notices, makes himself stop, even with lust darkening his eyes. "Sasuke,"

I refuse to stop. I want him, here, now. I don't want to stop. "Naruto…"

' _Take it like the whore you're'_

He touches my hair, kisses the locks between his fingers, "Sasuke, I…" I swallow in nervousness for his answer, anxious when he looks at me so intensely. "It's just I…"

His stomach grumbles loudly.

We stare at each other in deadpan, I can't believe he just… "You fucking idiot!" I yell as his face becomes red in embarrassment. I sit up, sighing as I look at his apologetic smile, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

He is so… _Naruto._

"C'mon, you need to eat." I offer my hand to him, "When was the last time you actually ate?" he takes the hand and get up, starting to look for clothes.

Naruto takes time to answer, busy with bottoming pair of pants, "Eh, does a vitamin count?" he avoids his look, knowing I'll be mad at him.

Of course, I'm mad at this idiot, stupid, and irresponsible being! "Do you have any idea how _dangerous_ it is to do what you did! You travelled four fucking hours on an empty stomach, exhausted out of your mind! You could have _died!_ _Died!_ Then what, Naruto?!" I snap at him, desperate at the thought of losing him now.

He narrows his eyes at me. "Like I had a fucking choice! You made me promise to come tonight! Because _you_ can't have things out of your meticulous plans! People _need_ me at the hospital, but you…"

"Now it's MY fault?!" My mind is blurred from reason. "Because I fucking _care_ for you?! Because I worry you will collapse?! Or is because I'm not Sakura?!"

"Don't talk about _her! She_ has nothing to do with it!" he yells back, mad, fuming, tears gathering on his eyes.

"Stop defending her! She's gone but you keep thinking about her!" Just shut up, shut up and breathe.

"What?! Sasuke, she's my friend, I'm with _you_ now! Why do you keep making excuses to keep me away from you?! Why can't you believe I WANT to be with _you_? It feels like… like _you_ don't want to be with me." His voice cracks, tears falling from his eyes.

Shallowly, I hate his tears, "Stop playing victim, Naruto! You are always ALWAYS working, every day, every fucking hour! I have my life too, but I always put effort into meeting you, even it takes me four hours to meet you for you to say you're fucking busy! I always get out of my way to see you, but you can't! Because your career is so much more important than ME!" my throat hurts, my head is dizzy.

Naruto pants as his fingers curl into fists. He opens his mouth, takes a step closer to me; I take a step back. My head spins as the world becomes slow. I'm deaf to my own yelling, his body on the floor.

…

I see myself pacing in the hospital's corridor as Itachi patiently waits for the doctor. A woman walks to us, informing of one Naruto Uzumaki.

"He collapsed due to malnutrition and stress," she tell me unsurprisingly, "Don't worry, he'll be fine in a few hours, just let him rest a bit. And then I'll talk to him about it, he's prone to hear when it comes from a fellow doctor."

I nod as I bit my nails, "Can I see him?"

"Visiting hours is over, but we'll open an exception as it is Christmas. He'll probably wake up soon, but I still want him to spend the night at the hospital." The doctor explains to me in all her seriousness.

"Thank you." I look at my brother, who's on his phone, explaining the situation to Hinata. "Itachi," he walks to me, his hand rests on my shoulder in support, "You can go home, I'll stay with Naruto."

"Are you sure, Sasuke? You also need to rest."

I shake my head. "You know I won't rest with him here alone, so please, go home to Hinata, I know you two also need to talk."

He contemplates my decision until he nods his head. "I see you grew up so much, little one."

I lightly smile at him, proud and happy to hear his words. "It's because I'll be an uncle."

My brother looks surprised at my statement, but soon he smiles sadly. "That's Hinata's decision to make, and I'll support her."

I see how selfless Itachi is, and how selfish it makes me feel.

As he leaves, I can't help but think about myself, that I _need_ to have things under control and how it's ruining my relationship with Naruto. I make plans for him, and I can't share his dreams.

When I open the door of Naruto's bedroom, he's peacefully sleeping. I sit beside him, hands inside the pockets of my coat. My fingers brush on something cold and I frown, unable to remember what I had placed there.

I feel even stupider when I see the cord with a sapphire gem attached, which I was going to give Naruto for Christmas. Idealistically, I was going to give him and we would send the night in my bedroom, talking, touching, having sex, laughing.

The next few hours I entertain myself with many and various thoughts of my relationship with Naruto. We need to talk and solve it, we can't continue the way things are as we are only hurting each other.

I wonder if Naruto wants kids, kids I can't give him through normal ways, but I can see him adopting. Silly me, can envision our life together until we die of old age, there's nothing more delusional than this.

There are moments when I'm home and I can't help but search for wedding dresses, decoration, losing track of the time with ideas. I know there's nothing wrong with it, but my pride would kill me if someone found out.

I want to be closer to Naruto, but I can't leave my brother and there are so many things I can't leave behind here. I know he feels the same. We just can't right now. It's frustrating and maddening, but we simply can't.

His eyelashes flutter open, a lazy moan leaves his lips. "Why am I here?" he asks almost hallucinating.

"You collapsed." I answer him right away.

For a long moment, he doesn't know what to say and neither do I. Words form in my head, but I can't pronounce them. Yet the silence is deafening.

A disturbing melancholic laughter leaves Naruto's mouth, tears running along his cheeks. "G-od Sasuke, I'm trying s-so hard. I re-ally am."

I kiss his head, caress his hair as I let him cry on my shoulder. "I know. I'm sorry." _But maybe it's not enough,_ is what I think.

"It _has_ to be," he answers, making me realize I spoke those words aloud. "It has to be enough, Sasuke. Believe me when I tell you we'll go through it, somehow I know we'll go through this."

I hold onto the collar I'm supposed to give him, closing my eyes as I feel him muffling his tears on my coat.

"I believe you."

 **AN: It might take a while because I'm starting a new job this very week, so I'm not sure when I'll have time to update it. Reviews always push me**


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